Quotean ... Atheism Archive

Mostly Humorous Observations by Atheists etc

• "to be honest.... i think Wendy Wright wins this debate -- there's no way natural selection could be true if she exists"
  [A Youtube comment on "Richard Dawkins Interviews Creationist Wendy Wright . 7 parts -- part 2 is blocked in the UK due a crazy Channel 4 policy , so use a proxy server (!) ]
  
  
   

• "No, God's Penis is not a biological organ. I never said God's Penis was the same as man's penis. Obviously it wouldn't be. That is why I pointed out God has a Holy, Righteous Penis. That is to say, it's not the same as man's corrupted, fleshy one." [ ... Best reply? "But what about God's asshole? ... Oh, wait. That's you." ]

• "My earlier views of the unsoundness of the Christian scheme of salvation and the human origin of the scriptures, have become clearer and stronger with advancing years and I see no reason for thinking I shall ever change them." - Abraham Lincoln
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•   Man I'd tap those Westboro chicks. They'll probably fuck anything as well. [Youtube comment on Louis Theroux - America's Most Hated Family IN CRISIS]
  

• "No Evidence of Non-existence – Welcome to the Twilight Zone.

In an oddly distorted, negative universe Christian apologists declare that there is "no evidence" for their godman's non-existence, as if it should be quite natural to believe in the most fantastic, illogical and unsubstantiated claims unless there was evidence to the contrary. If this stance had any viability, why stop at Jesus? Why not believe in Zeus, leprechauns and the tooth fairy?"
[Kenneth Humphreys -- jesusneverexisted.com]

• if we were made in god's image, then why aren't humans invisible too? [50 best atheism quotes]

• god doesn't exist. so, i guess that means no one loves you [50 best atheism quotes]

• Religion is about turning untested belief into unshakable truth through the power of institutions and the passage of time [Richard Dawkins]

• The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts [Bertrand Russell]

• For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring. [Carl Sagan]

• "intelligent design" helping stupid people feel smart since 1987

• if atheism is a belief, then not collecting stamps is a hobby

• Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.

• The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully -- Richard Dawkins

• "Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?" -- Douglas Adams

• "Remember what the goldfish said? There must be a god! I mean, who changes the water?" - Juggernaut

• "We are all atheists about most of the gods that societies have ever believed in. Some of us just go one god further" -- Richard Dawkins

• "That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence" -- Christopher Hitchens

• “In God We Trust.” I don’t believe it would sound any better if it were true [Mark Twain]

• Religion is God’s way of telling us he doesn’t exist.

• If Uri Geller bends spoons with divine powers, then he's doing it the hard way. [James Randi]

Quotean ... Humo(u)r Archive

A Collection of Humourous Quotes & Observations

"We're in pursuit of a speeding individual driving a red ... car license number Eggplant Xerxes Crybaby Overbite Narwhal"  [Eddie Edison -- The Simpsons]

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"Don't thank me, thank the moon's gravitational pull." ["MacGyver" in The Simpsons]

• Hank: What about the time I chipped my tooth on the bathroom urinal? What the fuck is so comical about that!

Larry: It was a back tooth Hank. [The Larry Sanders Show]

• The Dude abides. I don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners. [The Big Lebowski]

• One more anal-probing gyro-pyro levitating ectoplasm alien anti-matter story and I'm going to take out my gun and shoot somebody [Mulder - The X Files]

• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

• Me no Leica! [one-line review of 'I am a Camera']

• Sturgeon's Law states that 90% of everything is crap: surely this needs revising upwards in the age of the internet?

• Hey, careful, man, there's a beverage here! [The Dude nearly spills his drink in The Big Lebowski]

• The Net interprets censorship as damage and routes around it -- John Gilmore (in 1993!)

• "Get that cheese to sick bay!" -- Star Trek: Voyager

• "These are the Cubans, baby. This is the Cohibas, the Montecristos. This is a kinetic-kill, side-winder vehicle with a secondary cyclotrimethylenetrinitramine RDX burst. It's capable of busting a bunker under the bunker you just busted. If it were any smarter, it'd write a book, a book that would make Ulysses look like it was written in crayon. It would read it to you. This is my Eiffel Tower. This is my Rachmaninoff's Third. My Pieta. It's completely elegant, it's bafflingly beautiful, and it's capable of reducing the population of any standing structure to zero. I call it 'The Ex-Wife' " -- Iron Man 2

• I want to die like my grandfather, peacefully in my sleep, not screaming in terror, like his passengers -- Bob Monkhouse

• It has been observed that there are many more horses asses than horses

• This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a... car of some sort, heading in the direction of, uh, you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless. -- Chief Wiggum

• Face, we haven't got time for that! Boy George is waiting behind the Sheriff's office - we've got to go! -- Murdock (The A Team)

• I've learned that if you upset your wife, she nags you. If you upset her even more you get the silent treatment. Don't you think it's worth going the extra mile?

• People laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian - well they're not laughing now -Bob Monkhouse

• maths teacher's epic fail -- http://bit.ly/fIHyPR

• What happens in Cygnus X-1 stays in Cygnus X-1 -- Futurama

• ☿ then ♀ ⊕ ♂ ♃ ♄ ♅ ♆ but not ♇ (since 2006). What am I?

• people seem to know that I'm from Kent - I hear them whispering it as I walk by [Bob Monkhouse]

Quotean ... Computer Archive

Humourous Quotes About Computers

• Java is, in many ways, C++– [ Michael Feldman]

• One of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that–lacking zero–they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs. [Robert Firth]

• I think Microsoft named .Net so it wouldn’t show up in a Unix directory listing [Oktal]

• The best thing about a boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit

• Sysyphus's First Law of Programming: There's at least one more bug than you think, even if you take Sysyphus's First Law into account

• Programmers are in a race with the Universe to create bigger and better idiot-proof programs, while the Universe is trying to create bigger and better idiots. So far the Universe is winning -- Rich Cook

• There are two ways of constructing a software design. One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies. And the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies

• They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction -- Janet Reno

• According to UNIX the world will end 19 Jan 2038 at 3:14:07 AM (2^32 seconds after January 1, 1970)

• C++ : where friends have access to your private members

• There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. This is not a coincidence -Jeremy S. Anderson

• If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside -- Robert X. Cringely

• The most amazing achievement of the computer software industry is its continuing cancellation of the steady and staggering gains made by the computer hardware industry -- Henry Petroski

• To understand recursion, you must first understand recursion.

Quotean ... Archive

Various quotes or observations I've recently seen and liked, on:

• Atheism
• Computers
• and anything else